A year and a half of living the Peace Corps life has not made me as tough as some of you might like to think. Yes, I have become more patient and grown up a lot during this time but there are a couple things that I have yet to overcome.
First – going to the pit toilet after dark. I know it’s the same, non-threatening place as it was in the daylight but there is something ominous about the 30 feet walk with just my headlamp to light the way. Sometimes the walk is fine but right now it is mealie meal season and those 6 foot stalks really are creepy. They rustle together and make me think of the scary movie ‘Children of the Corn’ – and I’ve never even seen it! The toilet structure is fine and even the flies are gone at night but it still has creepy shadows, weird night bugs making noise right outside, not to mention the deep dark pit beneath me. Some nights I’m completely creeped out and will actually run back. Annah caught me once and so I had to confess to her that the toilet scares me. She laughed with me but I think there’s a reason why I never see her going out there after dark.
Second – bugs. I can live peacefully with bugs if they know what their boundaries are but here, they do not. The first year was fine; my room seemed to be the safe haven away from all the nasty little critters. This year is a different story. Cockroaches have invaded and for some reason like to live around the food, which is disgusting. When I turn the oven on all the little shits run out causing me to scream a bit, break out the Doom Deadly Killing Action and strategically spray so I don’t end up poisoning my food. The worst is when I see nasty bugs crawl under my bed. That will keep me up for hours until I’m sure the threat is subdued with more Doom sprayed all around the edges and no recent sightings. Tonight I saw this disgusting thing with lots of legs come out from under my bed moving at warp speed. Thanks to my cat like reflexes I stomped on the bug before he could do any serious damage. When I picked my foot up and saw the remains, this shiver of disgust went down my spine. What if that thing had crawled into bed with me? No telling what he would have done!
I’m ok with spiders and the lizard that has now taken up residence in my room. They eat the bugs and that makes me feel a bit better. But if they come near my bed, there is no guarantee of their safety.
There is still hope that I can make some progress before I leave – 7 months and I try everyday to be brave because it never fails that I have to use the toilet after dark and the bugs don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Wish me luck.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
ridiculous day
I’m so annoyed I can scream and sort of did at a taxi driver just now. It’s hot and there are meetings to go to today so instead of walking to the post office I took a taxi. On the way there it was R3 – what I expected and I was glad for the ride because of the insane heat today. I was hoping to get a package or two and that was the whole point of the trip. Nothing in the box except a letter for someone else who had the box before we ever did. So I hop on another taxi and he charges me R5 this time. What?! Evidently the local taxi fair went up and it’s R5 to get anywhere now. And no, it didn't go up during those 10 minutes, the first guy must have just been nice. But what's aggravating is the post office is ridiculously close (but still a long walk) and I argued with the people in the taxi for a few minutes before storming off. People, I know you’re saying that it’s only R5 Christy - less than a dollar, get over it,’ but I can’t! Why would someone charge me R3 not 10 minutes before? And I’m a poor volunteer and this just means I can never take a taxi to the post office on a hot day again! It’s so frustrating! And then I get to the office and look in my bag – I forgot to mail the 7 letters I wrote! Really frustrating. So now I’m at the office wanting to check my email and post this blog and they ran out of units so the internet isn’t working. Sweet.
But there is a bright side to the day. Leigh and some other people are coming in from Joburg for these meetings and they are spending the night at a lodge near Hoedspruit. He just called to tell me that they would like me to join them for dinner and possibly to stay the night. So exciting. I don’t care if I stay the night or not, I’m jumping in the pool fully clothed if I have to. At the very least taking a shower. The boss just drove up so I’m closing up shop for now. Who knows when I’ll get to actually post this…
(I'm posting this using my airtime - I don't normally but felt the need to be connected tonight. And by the way, the lodge has airconditoning, complimentary chocolates/wine in the room and fancy yet rustic decorations and a wonderful shower. It started raining so I wasn't able to swim but the double gin & tonic I had and the delicious 4 course dinner made up for it. Plus I can't complain because we desperately needed the rain.)
But there is a bright side to the day. Leigh and some other people are coming in from Joburg for these meetings and they are spending the night at a lodge near Hoedspruit. He just called to tell me that they would like me to join them for dinner and possibly to stay the night. So exciting. I don’t care if I stay the night or not, I’m jumping in the pool fully clothed if I have to. At the very least taking a shower. The boss just drove up so I’m closing up shop for now. Who knows when I’ll get to actually post this…
(I'm posting this using my airtime - I don't normally but felt the need to be connected tonight. And by the way, the lodge has airconditoning, complimentary chocolates/wine in the room and fancy yet rustic decorations and a wonderful shower. It started raining so I wasn't able to swim but the double gin & tonic I had and the delicious 4 course dinner made up for it. Plus I can't complain because we desperately needed the rain.)
Monday, February 25, 2008
learning to do my job
As acting-manager I technically have more responsibility and I’m slowly realizing the reality of what that means. Last week I got agitated because I didn’t want to deal with something and it resulted in an argument with a coworker. Poor woman was just an innocent bystander and I sort of bit her head off. Not a proud moment for me, especially because Tanya and other people from the office were witness to me losing my cool for no real reason. After I regained composure I realized that as acting-manager, I can’t expect others to deal with issues – that’s my responsibility now. So that means no more blowing things off just because I’m a measly volunteer. I still don’t get paid, no raise came with the “promotion” but the expectations are slightly higher. I don’t mind at all but I just have to remember that more often than not, I can’t rely on other people to deal with issues; it’s now officially my job and I have to set a good example for the staff and future manager (which will most likely be one of the current staff members).
It’s not too much of a change in my day to day work – the whole reason why I’m officially given the title of acting-manager is because I’ve been unofficially doing the same thing for the past 9 months. With input from other volunteers and discussions with the board, it was decided that Phedišang needs someone who can manage on a full time basis (the supervisors are actual employees of World Vision and only provide spare time, which is not a lot, to managing the project). I’m excited about the change because I think it really will help the organization operate more efficiently and it contributes to the sustainability of the project.
Despite my lapse in judgment last week, I’ve had a few minor victories that help to motivate and keep me working hard. I finally balanced the cash book for one of the offices. As of this morning, we successfully are balanced from March 2006 through December 2007! I started this little project in October and then had to wait for missing bank statements, holidays and other things that kept getting in the way. So today, Motale, the bookkeeper, got her first lesson in how to reconcile the bank statement to the cash book this morning. It’s hard to believe she wouldn’t have already had this kind of training or experience since she was hired to be a bookkeeper but I’ve learned there are some things you just don’t ask questions about.
It’s not too much of a change in my day to day work – the whole reason why I’m officially given the title of acting-manager is because I’ve been unofficially doing the same thing for the past 9 months. With input from other volunteers and discussions with the board, it was decided that Phedišang needs someone who can manage on a full time basis (the supervisors are actual employees of World Vision and only provide spare time, which is not a lot, to managing the project). I’m excited about the change because I think it really will help the organization operate more efficiently and it contributes to the sustainability of the project.
Despite my lapse in judgment last week, I’ve had a few minor victories that help to motivate and keep me working hard. I finally balanced the cash book for one of the offices. As of this morning, we successfully are balanced from March 2006 through December 2007! I started this little project in October and then had to wait for missing bank statements, holidays and other things that kept getting in the way. So today, Motale, the bookkeeper, got her first lesson in how to reconcile the bank statement to the cash book this morning. It’s hard to believe she wouldn’t have already had this kind of training or experience since she was hired to be a bookkeeper but I’ve learned there are some things you just don’t ask questions about.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
soundtrack of my day
Whirring fan: I woke up after a night of tossing and turning to the whirring of the fan. I left it on the highest setting all night – usually I have to turn it down a notch or two because I get a bit of a chill at night so it was proof of a very hot night.
Chickens: They are always apart of my day and this morning I did not put any music on so I listened to them rustling around the dried corn and clucking to each other as I washed up and ate my breakfast.
Sepedi greetings: During my walk down the main road of my village, I was accompanied by kids on their way to school, granny’s walking to their friend’s house, women off to work and men meandering along. As part of the daily routine, we all greeted each other. Greetings are apart of their culture and something everyone does even if you’re just passing by. It’s not just hi or hello but consists of four parts: First ‘Thobela’, answer with ‘Agee’, respond with ‘Le gae’, then say ‘Re gona’; Sometimes I switch it up and say ‘Thama’ or ‘Dumela’ to start the greeting off, sometimes they greet me first, but always there is some form of this exchange.
Thumping house music: The taxi ride to work at 8 am, enough said.
Praying and singing: Every morning at the offices, doesn’t matter which one, the staff gets together and prays in Sepedi, someone preaches to them and sometimes they will sing a song. I don’t actually participate but I respect their rituals and think they are beautiful. While I was working on installing Norton360 on the computer, I listened to their prayers and song, feeling content.
Drew Johnson: Ledile, the boss, wasn’t around and Colin, the guy that works in the main area where the Phedišang computer is located wanted to liven up the place a bit. Tanya had a cd that her boyfriend Austin made for her that we played to start the party. Sounds of her friend Drew Johnson playing guitar and crooning away (with a really good voice) were playing in the background while I waited patiently for Norton to finish its quick scan.
Mirror Mirror on the Wolf, Tell the Story Right – Alice Russell: This was playing when I had an argument with one of the World Vision people. She came to me as a messenger delivering information about an issue and instead of just dealing with the issue I vented to her about the problem. This was unfair because she has absolutely no involvement. She took offense and stormed off and when I asked her to help again she refused, quoting the things I said. Ouch. And then before I could set the record straight, both our voices were raised and the damage was done.
Africa – Toto: Into hour 6 of the “quick” scan, I was completely roasting sitting in front of 2 computers that were generating tons of heat, the sun was starting to beat on the window next to me and there was no cross breeze. I was frustrated at myself for not being patient, for loosing control and letting my emotions rule my behavior instead of listening to my better judgment. And while Toto was singing about sending rain to Africa, I wondered when it would actually get here and give us a break from the heat.
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol: As the sweat glistened on all exposed skin and soaked into my clothes in all the other areas, I realized that I wasn’t going to get much of the other computer work done. The song ‘Chasing Cars’ started to play and I started feeling remorse about the argument I had. But I also felt completely stubborn about apologizing. I wanted her to apologize to me as well and that doesn’t happen often so I started to feel a bit of self pity as well.
Wind: During my ride home from the office, I had a nice chat with a man that works from the hospital. After the initial questions of where I’m from and what I do, we sat in silence, watching the road go by and listening to the wind whip past the windows. The wind helped cool me off and melt away the bad feelings that I was brooding over.
Giggling boys: After I walked home, I sat outside to cool off and eat a bit of comfort food –cereal with LOTS of milk. Matome and Masilu were there with Setlau, beating each other up and laughing when the bigger one would out smart the others. They would walk by me and I would playfully smack them with a milk carton. They love to play this game.
Culture Spears: I went to gather the girls to talk to them about a project I want them to do. When I got to Refiloe’s house, I sat down with a few of the older ladies and watched a bit of the Culture Spears video – good African music with singers dressed in fun traditional outfits and dancing with lots of hips movements.
Special Star – Mangogroove: After explaining to the girls about the Scenarios from Africa contest and talking over the rules and a bit about HIV, Desire played the popular Mangogroove song on their cd player. All of the girls know the dance routine and got up and danced, even Desire and Natacia’s mom got up and danced a bit. Toward the end of the song is a solo and little Chantelle, who is barely 5 years old was in the spotlight singing then broke out into giggles when she discovered that we were paying so much attention to her.
No One – Alicia Keys: It was after dark by the time we walked home but the moon was shinning and I was surrounded by my girls. One of the girls started to sing part of this song and so I whipped out my phone and played it. We started singing and when I realized some of the older girls were dragging behind, I turned around and blared the song in their direction. As soon as they heard it, they screamed and ran to catch up. We serenaded each other for the rest of the walk to my house.
Red, Red Wine: After washing up and relaxing, my phone started to sing Red, Red Wine, which is my ring tone. Katie called to share the good news about her job interview and job offer. I love that even though I am so far away, she still wants to share this kind of stuff with me. I’m proud of her.
Crickets: After I turned the music off for the night, the crickets chirped as I settled into bed to read. I reflected on the day’s events and thought maybe tomorrow I would listen to my mom’s advice, swallow my pride and apologize.
Jason’s voice: Right after I turned out my light, Jason called to say goodnight and tell me about something funny that happened. He is so close but so far away…
Whirring fan: The last thing I heard before I fell asleep.
Chickens: They are always apart of my day and this morning I did not put any music on so I listened to them rustling around the dried corn and clucking to each other as I washed up and ate my breakfast.
Sepedi greetings: During my walk down the main road of my village, I was accompanied by kids on their way to school, granny’s walking to their friend’s house, women off to work and men meandering along. As part of the daily routine, we all greeted each other. Greetings are apart of their culture and something everyone does even if you’re just passing by. It’s not just hi or hello but consists of four parts: First ‘Thobela’, answer with ‘Agee’, respond with ‘Le gae’, then say ‘Re gona’; Sometimes I switch it up and say ‘Thama’ or ‘Dumela’ to start the greeting off, sometimes they greet me first, but always there is some form of this exchange.
Thumping house music: The taxi ride to work at 8 am, enough said.
Praying and singing: Every morning at the offices, doesn’t matter which one, the staff gets together and prays in Sepedi, someone preaches to them and sometimes they will sing a song. I don’t actually participate but I respect their rituals and think they are beautiful. While I was working on installing Norton360 on the computer, I listened to their prayers and song, feeling content.
Drew Johnson: Ledile, the boss, wasn’t around and Colin, the guy that works in the main area where the Phedišang computer is located wanted to liven up the place a bit. Tanya had a cd that her boyfriend Austin made for her that we played to start the party. Sounds of her friend Drew Johnson playing guitar and crooning away (with a really good voice) were playing in the background while I waited patiently for Norton to finish its quick scan.
Mirror Mirror on the Wolf, Tell the Story Right – Alice Russell: This was playing when I had an argument with one of the World Vision people. She came to me as a messenger delivering information about an issue and instead of just dealing with the issue I vented to her about the problem. This was unfair because she has absolutely no involvement. She took offense and stormed off and when I asked her to help again she refused, quoting the things I said. Ouch. And then before I could set the record straight, both our voices were raised and the damage was done.
Africa – Toto: Into hour 6 of the “quick” scan, I was completely roasting sitting in front of 2 computers that were generating tons of heat, the sun was starting to beat on the window next to me and there was no cross breeze. I was frustrated at myself for not being patient, for loosing control and letting my emotions rule my behavior instead of listening to my better judgment. And while Toto was singing about sending rain to Africa, I wondered when it would actually get here and give us a break from the heat.
Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol: As the sweat glistened on all exposed skin and soaked into my clothes in all the other areas, I realized that I wasn’t going to get much of the other computer work done. The song ‘Chasing Cars’ started to play and I started feeling remorse about the argument I had. But I also felt completely stubborn about apologizing. I wanted her to apologize to me as well and that doesn’t happen often so I started to feel a bit of self pity as well.
Wind: During my ride home from the office, I had a nice chat with a man that works from the hospital. After the initial questions of where I’m from and what I do, we sat in silence, watching the road go by and listening to the wind whip past the windows. The wind helped cool me off and melt away the bad feelings that I was brooding over.
Giggling boys: After I walked home, I sat outside to cool off and eat a bit of comfort food –cereal with LOTS of milk. Matome and Masilu were there with Setlau, beating each other up and laughing when the bigger one would out smart the others. They would walk by me and I would playfully smack them with a milk carton. They love to play this game.
Culture Spears: I went to gather the girls to talk to them about a project I want them to do. When I got to Refiloe’s house, I sat down with a few of the older ladies and watched a bit of the Culture Spears video – good African music with singers dressed in fun traditional outfits and dancing with lots of hips movements.
Special Star – Mangogroove: After explaining to the girls about the Scenarios from Africa contest and talking over the rules and a bit about HIV, Desire played the popular Mangogroove song on their cd player. All of the girls know the dance routine and got up and danced, even Desire and Natacia’s mom got up and danced a bit. Toward the end of the song is a solo and little Chantelle, who is barely 5 years old was in the spotlight singing then broke out into giggles when she discovered that we were paying so much attention to her.
No One – Alicia Keys: It was after dark by the time we walked home but the moon was shinning and I was surrounded by my girls. One of the girls started to sing part of this song and so I whipped out my phone and played it. We started singing and when I realized some of the older girls were dragging behind, I turned around and blared the song in their direction. As soon as they heard it, they screamed and ran to catch up. We serenaded each other for the rest of the walk to my house.
Red, Red Wine: After washing up and relaxing, my phone started to sing Red, Red Wine, which is my ring tone. Katie called to share the good news about her job interview and job offer. I love that even though I am so far away, she still wants to share this kind of stuff with me. I’m proud of her.
Crickets: After I turned the music off for the night, the crickets chirped as I settled into bed to read. I reflected on the day’s events and thought maybe tomorrow I would listen to my mom’s advice, swallow my pride and apologize.
Jason’s voice: Right after I turned out my light, Jason called to say goodnight and tell me about something funny that happened. He is so close but so far away…
Whirring fan: The last thing I heard before I fell asleep.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
a little seedling of hope
I am really excited about one of my current projects. I found out about this contest called Scenarios from Africa (www.scenariosafrica.org) and introduced it the kids at all the centres. Youth from all over Africa, ages 12-24 are invited to create a story about HIV – they can choose from topics given or create an original scenario. Winners have a chance to get their stories adapted into a short educational film by a leading African director. The contest itself is interesting but it also helps with a bigger problem. Lately some of the kids have said they are tired of hearing about HIV. It’s practically shoved down their throats through ad campaigns and ineffective programs run by larger organizations. Even in the last year I have been guilty of talking AT the kids. Well they’ve shut their minds down now when it comes to HIV and they still don’t have all the important facts that will protect them and could potentially save their lives.
That’s what is exciting about this project – we aren’t talking AT the kids at all. They are given the chance to “drive” any discussions that come up but even more importantly, they finally have the floor, the spotlight and can tell us what they know and actually how it affects their lives. Most of the kids seemed excited about the idea and my thoughts are to try and address some of the problem areas where there are gaps in their knowledge. We’re going to show some of the Scenarios educational films and just informally (but hopefully effectively) talk to the kids during the next month. We’re only in the middle of the whole process and anything can happen but I have high hopes.
At the end of the month the kids will get to perform their stories for each other and we’ll submit them to the contest. I’ve even added some pre & post testing to see if any knowledge is actually gained. And I want to talk to the kids afterwards and see what they thought about the whole thing. It all seems so simple in theory: what they got wrong on the quizzes we’ll address during the month and then hopefully they understand and internalize the facts and also demonstrate their knowledge in their stories. AND hopefully they enjoy the process. And the decisions and the way they live their lives is positively affected because they aren’t just hearing the words ‘HIV/AIDS’, ‘safe sex’, ‘abstain’, ‘be faithful’ but they actually understand the need to support each other if someone is positive and that they can stand up for themselves and demand boy or girl friends to respect their rights and decisions. And maybe they won’t be afraid of the disease anymore and start teaching each other that we’re all human and just need love and support.
This one project can’t achieve all that but maybe it can open their minds again and allow the seeds to be planted.
That’s what is exciting about this project – we aren’t talking AT the kids at all. They are given the chance to “drive” any discussions that come up but even more importantly, they finally have the floor, the spotlight and can tell us what they know and actually how it affects their lives. Most of the kids seemed excited about the idea and my thoughts are to try and address some of the problem areas where there are gaps in their knowledge. We’re going to show some of the Scenarios educational films and just informally (but hopefully effectively) talk to the kids during the next month. We’re only in the middle of the whole process and anything can happen but I have high hopes.
At the end of the month the kids will get to perform their stories for each other and we’ll submit them to the contest. I’ve even added some pre & post testing to see if any knowledge is actually gained. And I want to talk to the kids afterwards and see what they thought about the whole thing. It all seems so simple in theory: what they got wrong on the quizzes we’ll address during the month and then hopefully they understand and internalize the facts and also demonstrate their knowledge in their stories. AND hopefully they enjoy the process. And the decisions and the way they live their lives is positively affected because they aren’t just hearing the words ‘HIV/AIDS’, ‘safe sex’, ‘abstain’, ‘be faithful’ but they actually understand the need to support each other if someone is positive and that they can stand up for themselves and demand boy or girl friends to respect their rights and decisions. And maybe they won’t be afraid of the disease anymore and start teaching each other that we’re all human and just need love and support.
This one project can’t achieve all that but maybe it can open their minds again and allow the seeds to be planted.
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