I’m supposed to be doing something productive right now. I made an executive decision to take a sick day and not go to any centre or venture out of my house but to stay home and work on my computer. There is plenty that I could be working on but I just plain don’t want to do it. This is one thing that I am disappointed about my Peace Corps experience – there is so much pressure to get things done. One of those expectations, the ones they (all those other return volunteers or people that work for PC) tell you not to have, was that I would have a million hours to do whatever and get things done on my own time. My experience is not anything like that. Don’t get me wrong, I love my experience but I think I was looking for something that would let me be lazy and read for hours on end and not feel guilty about doing it. That does happen a lot – like at night I have tons of time to myself and read lots but some days I just don’t want to go anywhere.
I am going to place part of my laziness on the cold I have. My head has been cloudy all week and my energy has suffered. I was good and went to centres every day and rode my bike around and generally have felt like it’s been a productive week. Today, however, I just don’t feel like being productive. God help me when I get a “real” job after this – I can barely get out of bed before 8 right now!
Anyway, I’m back to the village life. My 3 weeks in Johannesburg were nice but I knew that it was time to come back. I also knew that when I came back I would have to face all those emotions that I stuffed in the back because I was too busy being surrounded by people and having free all access internet at my fingertips. And those emotions came clawing out and I spent last Friday night seriously contemplating my place here. But of course it was an emotional hurricane and I realized the next day that I just needed to let it all out and then think about things logically and from a clear headed perspective. I’m not going anywhere but am glad that I let myself go like that. It was not my prettiest moment but not every day can be.
Bottom line is I am doing fine. I just wanted y’all to know because I know it’s been a couple weeks since I last posted a blog. Life is moving on and I am getting back to a sort of routine. There is much more to say but I really should do some work first.