What am I doing? That is the main question on my mind right now. Floundering, wasting my days, doing a lot of things that are meaningless and not helping me to change my current situation. It's an injustice to me and the life I'm supposed to be living, the one I am living. This is it! There is no looking forward to what will happen - it's just causing me extra worry lines because it's become evident that the things that I think are set in life, don't stay set - there is no jello mold holding all the little mandarin orange pieces together. And so I'm figuring out a few things: first, 'it' won't happen if I don't act now, today, the moment I'm in right now. That's all I have. Two, I can't worry about things, as long as I'm doing what I can today. Living my life in the moment and not just letting my whole life pass me by.
The other day some one asked me what I believe. I tried to defer to others because it was a political conversation but he was adamant and wanted MY views. It really forced me to think about it - where exactly do I stand on certain issues? I'm quickly approaching the adult years (some may think I'm actually already there) and no, I don't have to lose my youthful spirit, but figuring out my own opinions, maybe that is a little bit overdue. I don’t need to worry about others judging me. I just need to be open to being wrong, finding out the truth and more information, learning. But it's time to stop holding myself back.
So now there are some big question marks looming over my head.
What do I need to be doing every day to be living the life I want?
What do I believe?
That's my current quest. I think I'm on the verge of something big.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
the odds are now in my favor
This is the story about our crazy flight from Ethiopia back to South Africa. We left our hotel early to make sure we caught our 8:30 am flight. Everything so far seemed to add up just to a normal travel day. We boarded the plane and took our seats in the 2nd to last row. Jason let me have the window and we settled in for the 5 1/2 hour flight back home. Despite my recently developed anxiousness while flying, I felt fine, probably because Jason was with me. So I immersed myself in a crossword puzzle and ignored the take off jitters.
After about a half hour in the air, the pilot came on and said we had to return to Addis Ababa because of a mechanical failure. I've been in planes where we've had to turn around before and so I expected that we would be safely on the ground within half an hour. But after an hour of flying and finishing our crossword, Jason and I began to wonder why we hadn't actually landed yet. Other people were also curious especially since it was obvious we were circling around the city.
So we started to descend and it seemed as though we were finally going to land but instead we circled around past the airport. What I really don’t like when flying is when the pilot turns and the wings are no longer level - it just gives me the creeps because it doesn't seem normal. After what we thought was the attempt to land, the pilot turned the plane but it wasn't exactly a gradual turn so the tipping really started to freak me out. At one point, the flight attendants looked out the windows and pointed at something. At first I thought maybe they were pointing at the airport but after a few minutes it was obvious that they were trying to see something on the plane itself. They didn't say anything to use but it was clear from their eyes and body language that they were nervous about something.
We made another couple runs close to the airport and then it looked like we might actually make an attempt to land. Again, it was a false hope but this time we flew so close to the tower that everything looked like its actual size. That really freaked me out; if everything was ok, we definitely would have landed by this point. During all these fly bys, I had grabbed Jason's hand and started deep breathing. I thought I was squeezing the life out of his hand but it turns out we were both anxiously clinging to each other.
It's funny what pops into your head in situations like this. I had a morbid thought, "if this is my time, I'm happy with my life…" except that I had a lot of buts and started praying for the things yet to come. I remember thinking it can't be our time because Jason and I still haven't had our babies - that's the one thing that kept repeating in my head. That and the song by The Turtles 'Happy Together'. So I continued my deep breathing and humming to myself, taking comfort in the fact that at least Jason was with me and I was holding his hand.
Finally the pilot came over the loudspeaker and told us to prepare for landing, betraying no fear of any kind in his voice. This time was going to be the real thing but every single person on that plane was tense in anticipation of what could happen. The pilot did an amazing job and brought the plane down as if it were on eggshells - a much smoother landing than our flights to Addis the week before! The passengers broke out into applause but all I could do was send a little prayer of thanks up and look out the window to let a few tears escape.
As we slowed down I saw every kind of emergency vehicle possible lining the runway - ambulances, fire trucks, police, non descript official looking ones - all of it. Finally we came to a stop and watched as the fire trucks drove up close and started unraveling the fire hose and getting ready with fire extinguishers. We saw smoke wafting up from underneath the plane and could smell burning rubber. They hosed down something underneath the plane but at the same time, I got a thumbs up and a big grin from one of the firemen.
After watching the people outside moving around for 45 minutes, the doors to the plane were finally opened and we started filing off onto the tarmac. I only started to feel relieved once I was safely on the ground and no longer in the plane. We looked back at the plane and you could see one of the back right tires was completely shredded.
When we got back to the terminal the place was dead - no one was in the shops and there was no one at any other gates; evidently they had evacuated the building. Most likely because if passengers had seen all the emergency vehicles going out to the runway, it probably would have caused quite a stir. We were flying Ethiopian Airways and they led us straight to the Cloud 9 lounge where we could have all the free food and booze we wanted while we waited for our bags to be transferred to the new plane. The first thing Jason did was bum a cigarette and despite not being a smoker, I asked for one as well. The buzz was exactly what I needed to calm my nerves after the ordeal. I couldn't really eat but after an accidental shot of cognac (at first I poured what I thought was champagne but only discovered that it was champagne cognac after taking a rather large sip) and a couple glasses of wine, I had to fill my belly with some of the fried goodies and fruit.
We filed back to the gate with our new friends from the lounge and found an EA representative, who was more than willing to give us the scoop on what actually happened. Evidently we hit something on take off - many people, including Jason, heard an unusual noise but didn't think much about it. Whatever it was, it flew up into the fuselage area and we ended up with a fuel leak and a hydraulic fluid leak. The pilot circled for so long dropping fuel because if you try to land and there is any kind of spark with a full tank, you can only imagine what could happen. We flew so close to the airport so the tower could take a look at the underside of the plane to try and see the damage and if it was possible to land! At the time we wanted more information but I'm glad that we weren't given any - sure our imaginations run wild but the truth could only raise the fears of all the passengers and then what do you do with a plane full of passengers that are freaking out when you're in mid air trying to concentrate on landing the plane as safely as possible. Needless to say, my hat goes off to the pilot. He did an amazing job of gingerly landing the plane and getting us all to safety.
I'm not the type of person that says I'll never fly again. It's not realistic mostly because I live half way around the world from my family! But maybe the next time I fly I won't feel the jitters because statistically, the odds should be in my favor - at least for a few more flights.
Jason snapped this picture during our successful flight back to South Africa. It just seemed to capture our relief quite nicely. Be on the look out for a post from Jason's blog - Flat Stanley had to tell his side of the story too!
After about a half hour in the air, the pilot came on and said we had to return to Addis Ababa because of a mechanical failure. I've been in planes where we've had to turn around before and so I expected that we would be safely on the ground within half an hour. But after an hour of flying and finishing our crossword, Jason and I began to wonder why we hadn't actually landed yet. Other people were also curious especially since it was obvious we were circling around the city.
So we started to descend and it seemed as though we were finally going to land but instead we circled around past the airport. What I really don’t like when flying is when the pilot turns and the wings are no longer level - it just gives me the creeps because it doesn't seem normal. After what we thought was the attempt to land, the pilot turned the plane but it wasn't exactly a gradual turn so the tipping really started to freak me out. At one point, the flight attendants looked out the windows and pointed at something. At first I thought maybe they were pointing at the airport but after a few minutes it was obvious that they were trying to see something on the plane itself. They didn't say anything to use but it was clear from their eyes and body language that they were nervous about something.
We made another couple runs close to the airport and then it looked like we might actually make an attempt to land. Again, it was a false hope but this time we flew so close to the tower that everything looked like its actual size. That really freaked me out; if everything was ok, we definitely would have landed by this point. During all these fly bys, I had grabbed Jason's hand and started deep breathing. I thought I was squeezing the life out of his hand but it turns out we were both anxiously clinging to each other.
It's funny what pops into your head in situations like this. I had a morbid thought, "if this is my time, I'm happy with my life…" except that I had a lot of buts and started praying for the things yet to come. I remember thinking it can't be our time because Jason and I still haven't had our babies - that's the one thing that kept repeating in my head. That and the song by The Turtles 'Happy Together'. So I continued my deep breathing and humming to myself, taking comfort in the fact that at least Jason was with me and I was holding his hand.
Finally the pilot came over the loudspeaker and told us to prepare for landing, betraying no fear of any kind in his voice. This time was going to be the real thing but every single person on that plane was tense in anticipation of what could happen. The pilot did an amazing job and brought the plane down as if it were on eggshells - a much smoother landing than our flights to Addis the week before! The passengers broke out into applause but all I could do was send a little prayer of thanks up and look out the window to let a few tears escape.
As we slowed down I saw every kind of emergency vehicle possible lining the runway - ambulances, fire trucks, police, non descript official looking ones - all of it. Finally we came to a stop and watched as the fire trucks drove up close and started unraveling the fire hose and getting ready with fire extinguishers. We saw smoke wafting up from underneath the plane and could smell burning rubber. They hosed down something underneath the plane but at the same time, I got a thumbs up and a big grin from one of the firemen.
After watching the people outside moving around for 45 minutes, the doors to the plane were finally opened and we started filing off onto the tarmac. I only started to feel relieved once I was safely on the ground and no longer in the plane. We looked back at the plane and you could see one of the back right tires was completely shredded.
When we got back to the terminal the place was dead - no one was in the shops and there was no one at any other gates; evidently they had evacuated the building. Most likely because if passengers had seen all the emergency vehicles going out to the runway, it probably would have caused quite a stir. We were flying Ethiopian Airways and they led us straight to the Cloud 9 lounge where we could have all the free food and booze we wanted while we waited for our bags to be transferred to the new plane. The first thing Jason did was bum a cigarette and despite not being a smoker, I asked for one as well. The buzz was exactly what I needed to calm my nerves after the ordeal. I couldn't really eat but after an accidental shot of cognac (at first I poured what I thought was champagne but only discovered that it was champagne cognac after taking a rather large sip) and a couple glasses of wine, I had to fill my belly with some of the fried goodies and fruit.
We filed back to the gate with our new friends from the lounge and found an EA representative, who was more than willing to give us the scoop on what actually happened. Evidently we hit something on take off - many people, including Jason, heard an unusual noise but didn't think much about it. Whatever it was, it flew up into the fuselage area and we ended up with a fuel leak and a hydraulic fluid leak. The pilot circled for so long dropping fuel because if you try to land and there is any kind of spark with a full tank, you can only imagine what could happen. We flew so close to the airport so the tower could take a look at the underside of the plane to try and see the damage and if it was possible to land! At the time we wanted more information but I'm glad that we weren't given any - sure our imaginations run wild but the truth could only raise the fears of all the passengers and then what do you do with a plane full of passengers that are freaking out when you're in mid air trying to concentrate on landing the plane as safely as possible. Needless to say, my hat goes off to the pilot. He did an amazing job of gingerly landing the plane and getting us all to safety.
I'm not the type of person that says I'll never fly again. It's not realistic mostly because I live half way around the world from my family! But maybe the next time I fly I won't feel the jitters because statistically, the odds should be in my favor - at least for a few more flights.
Jason snapped this picture during our successful flight back to South Africa. It just seemed to capture our relief quite nicely. Be on the look out for a post from Jason's blog - Flat Stanley had to tell his side of the story too!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
flat stanley goes to ethiopia
One day an envelope arrived in Christy & Jason's post box. A friend's nephew, Juan, sent his friend Flat Stanley to see another part of the world. Juan explained that Stanley was smooshed by a bulletin board that fell on top of him while he was sleeping. This made it possible for Stanley to do all kinds of interesting things, including traveling to see different parts of the world. Lucky for Stanley, Christy & Jason were heading to Ethiopia for an adventure of their own.
Stanley learned a lot about Ethiopia and got to see some fun places. He learned that Ethiopia is a very religious place - the Ethiopians believe in one of the oldest forms of Christianity known as the Ethiopian Orthodox Church.
Their last day in the country, they decided to visit a famous monastery called Debre Libanos. It's famous because it used to be the centre for the Ethiopian Orthodox Church. But in 1937 the fascists from the Italian occupation came to the monastery and shot 297 of the monks, 100 deacons, and more than 400 other people and completely destroyed the church. The new church was rebuilt in the 1950's by Haile Selassie, the last Emperor to rule over Ethiopia. Stanley managed to climb on top of one of the fancy pillars to get a better view.
After seeing the church, Stanley, Christy & Jason walked for a few minutes through an empty river bed and up the side of a small mountain to visit a holy cave where an old and important priest prayed for over 25 years, standing the whole time. For 7 of those years, he only stood on one leg! Water that comes from the cave is considered very holy and can heal the sick so they keep barrels of it to give to the people that come to visit.
On their way to lunch, the group passed through a traditional market selling all kinds of seeds, beans, herbs and spices. Christy bought some herbs for her tea and Stanley tried not to get run over by all the people!
One of the best things Stanley saw that day was a very interesting bridge that was made over 400 years ago by the Portuguese. Back then they didn't have cement so they mixed limestone and ostrich egg shells together to make it. The bridge is still very sturdy!
After the long day, they finally made it back to Addis and to a very tasty traditional meal. Ethiopians eat a bread called injeera, which is fermented for a few days so it has a sour taste to it. It is flat like a pancake and looks like a sponge. With it people usually eat a lot of different types of meats, like dora wat (chicken with a boiled egg in a red spicey sauce), tibs (fried beef), lamb and goat. Ethiopians also love raw meat but Stanley, Christy & Jason weren't brave enough to try it. If you want a lot of vegetables you have to wait till Wednesday or Friday, the traditional fasting days, and then you can get a meal with just vegetables and fish, but no meat.
At dinner that night, the waitress brought out their delicious tray of food but she didn't see Stanley and flattened him again under the big plate of food. Christy & Jason rescued him and they ate like Ethiopians, using their hands and ripping off pieces of injeera to scoop up some of the meat. They even got to watch traditional dancers while they ate.
Sadly, the next morning they had to say goodbye to Ethiopia and go back to South Africa. As they boarded their flight , they promised to come back because there is still so much more to see… AND Christy LOVES the food!
Stanley learned a lot about Ethiopia and got to see some fun places. He learned that Ethiopia is a very religious place - the Ethiopians believe in one of the oldest forms of Christianity known as the Ethiopian Orthodox Church.
Their last day in the country, they decided to visit a famous monastery called Debre Libanos. It's famous because it used to be the centre for the Ethiopian Orthodox Church. But in 1937 the fascists from the Italian occupation came to the monastery and shot 297 of the monks, 100 deacons, and more than 400 other people and completely destroyed the church. The new church was rebuilt in the 1950's by Haile Selassie, the last Emperor to rule over Ethiopia. Stanley managed to climb on top of one of the fancy pillars to get a better view. 
After seeing the church, Stanley, Christy & Jason walked for a few minutes through an empty river bed and up the side of a small mountain to visit a holy cave where an old and important priest prayed for over 25 years, standing the whole time. For 7 of those years, he only stood on one leg! Water that comes from the cave is considered very holy and can heal the sick so they keep barrels of it to give to the people that come to visit.
On their way to lunch, the group passed through a traditional market selling all kinds of seeds, beans, herbs and spices. Christy bought some herbs for her tea and Stanley tried not to get run over by all the people! 
One of the best things Stanley saw that day was a very interesting bridge that was made over 400 years ago by the Portuguese. Back then they didn't have cement so they mixed limestone and ostrich egg shells together to make it. The bridge is still very sturdy! 
After the long day, they finally made it back to Addis and to a very tasty traditional meal. Ethiopians eat a bread called injeera, which is fermented for a few days so it has a sour taste to it. It is flat like a pancake and looks like a sponge. With it people usually eat a lot of different types of meats, like dora wat (chicken with a boiled egg in a red spicey sauce), tibs (fried beef), lamb and goat. Ethiopians also love raw meat but Stanley, Christy & Jason weren't brave enough to try it. If you want a lot of vegetables you have to wait till Wednesday or Friday, the traditional fasting days, and then you can get a meal with just vegetables and fish, but no meat. At dinner that night, the waitress brought out their delicious tray of food but she didn't see Stanley and flattened him again under the big plate of food. Christy & Jason rescued him and they ate like Ethiopians, using their hands and ripping off pieces of injeera to scoop up some of the meat. They even got to watch traditional dancers while they ate.
Sadly, the next morning they had to say goodbye to Ethiopia and go back to South Africa. As they boarded their flight , they promised to come back because there is still so much more to see… AND Christy LOVES the food!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
cooking sensation
I feel like a domestic goddess. I'm pretty sure I'm far from it but since I don't have a real job these days, cooking and baking help to fill the multitude of hours that pile up with nothing to fill them with. My latest excursion into the baking world was to make homemade ricotta cheese. And I did it! Chris and Lindsey gave me a cheesemaking kit awhile ago and I finally got around to trying it out. It's actually really simple to make! I can also make mozarella with this kit so that will be the next adventure. With our ricotta cheese we made a lasagna with spinach noodles and a homemade meat sauce - it was delicious. I did learn that you can salt the cheese and I think that will enhance the flavor even more next time around.
And after you skim the curds off the top to get your ricotta - there is a ton of whey left but there was no way I could just toss it. So I put it in the fridge till I could figure out what to do with it. Evidently you can substitute whey for buttermilk or any liquid in cake, bread, pancakes, and other recipes. People even use it to cook rice, pasta or oatmeal in it because it adds flavor and protein. FUN! I decided to try out the basic buttermilk recipe in my peace corps cookbook - the cake turned out delicious. And for the icing I made it from icing sugar but used whey instead of milk - also yummy!
The next experiment was with buttermilk biscuits this morning. We're trying to clear out our fridge before we head to Ethiopia for a week. So to complement our eggs & bacon, I made the biscuits, which turned out pretty good! They weren't as thick as I thought they'd be so I'll have to experiment with the ratios and I'm not sure exactly what it means to cut the butter into the flour - maybe I over did it? But they were tasty and Jason loved them!
No matter! It's been fun and I have a bit more whey left over that I'll freeze for now and use when I get back. Can't wait for the next cooking adventure. But first I'm going to enjoy as much Ethiopian food as I can!
And after you skim the curds off the top to get your ricotta - there is a ton of whey left but there was no way I could just toss it. So I put it in the fridge till I could figure out what to do with it. Evidently you can substitute whey for buttermilk or any liquid in cake, bread, pancakes, and other recipes. People even use it to cook rice, pasta or oatmeal in it because it adds flavor and protein. FUN! I decided to try out the basic buttermilk recipe in my peace corps cookbook - the cake turned out delicious. And for the icing I made it from icing sugar but used whey instead of milk - also yummy!
The next experiment was with buttermilk biscuits this morning. We're trying to clear out our fridge before we head to Ethiopia for a week. So to complement our eggs & bacon, I made the biscuits, which turned out pretty good! They weren't as thick as I thought they'd be so I'll have to experiment with the ratios and I'm not sure exactly what it means to cut the butter into the flour - maybe I over did it? But they were tasty and Jason loved them!
No matter! It's been fun and I have a bit more whey left over that I'll freeze for now and use when I get back. Can't wait for the next cooking adventure. But first I'm going to enjoy as much Ethiopian food as I can!
Friday, April 17, 2009
today I'm thankful for Facebook
What do I do when I'm feeling very far away from my family and friends back home? I get online, first check my email (it's my homepage), then I immediately go to Facebook. I find myself on the website more and more, wanting to know what people back home are doing, trying desperately to be connected with their lives. I have to confess, I love it. I don't love all the silly applications because with my slow internet connection, it just takes too long to deal with that aspect of the site. What I do love is how connected I suddenly feel to so many of my friends and family. People constantly update their status, they comment back and forth on each other's walls, post pictures of their new babies or recent trips - the site is genius for keeping people connected and informed about each others lives. This morning I found myself on a college friend's profile and found out she's preggars. We're not that close anymore but I think of her often and love that I can still peep into her life every so often. Ok, that sounds a little stalker-ish but she agreed to be my FB friend so technically it's a mutual agreement.
What's funny is how one sided email now feels. I find that so many people don't reply very quickly to messages sent (yes, I am also a culprit of this) and it can be frustrating. I'm desperate to know what's going on back home with my ever expanding family and my far flung friends, but they all have jobs and lives that keep them very busy so their response rate isn't quite what I would like - especially when my emails can end up being pages long, I'm sure it's intimidating to respond. But I can't fault them since I seem to have a lot of time on my hands these days and I do remember what it feels like to be busy. So when I turn to Facebook, my friends beautiful faces (or strange images) of their profile pics are staring at me, smiling and inviting me to see what's new on their page. Their status message is something cryptic so I have to inquire what they mean. Or I'll find someone has left a message on my wall or commented on a picture of mine. Someone will leave a quick 2 line message for me and it's as if the thousands of miles of ocean between us is suddenly erased. The lives of my godfather, my cousins, aunts and uncles, all those who I haven't spent enough time with, are suddenly illuminated and we're connected in a way that a put off phone call, belated birthday cards or mass emails just can't even contend with.
Jason laughs at those of us who spend so much time on the site - he thinks it's just another way for people to not communicate. I can agree on some levels - that's another reason why I don't like the applications, people invite you to join their zombie game or send you plants for your garden but there is no real interaction. It tells me nothing of how much you miss me or what's on your mind. So yes, it can be another way of not communicating but as with any form of communication, there has to be some kind of initiation. The simple act of giving a thumbs up or commenting on a picture opens the door a crack and that's all it takes sometimes. And in this way, Facebook makes it easier to stay connected to the lives that would otherwise be a complete mystery. And for this, I'm thankful.
What's funny is how one sided email now feels. I find that so many people don't reply very quickly to messages sent (yes, I am also a culprit of this) and it can be frustrating. I'm desperate to know what's going on back home with my ever expanding family and my far flung friends, but they all have jobs and lives that keep them very busy so their response rate isn't quite what I would like - especially when my emails can end up being pages long, I'm sure it's intimidating to respond. But I can't fault them since I seem to have a lot of time on my hands these days and I do remember what it feels like to be busy. So when I turn to Facebook, my friends beautiful faces (or strange images) of their profile pics are staring at me, smiling and inviting me to see what's new on their page. Their status message is something cryptic so I have to inquire what they mean. Or I'll find someone has left a message on my wall or commented on a picture of mine. Someone will leave a quick 2 line message for me and it's as if the thousands of miles of ocean between us is suddenly erased. The lives of my godfather, my cousins, aunts and uncles, all those who I haven't spent enough time with, are suddenly illuminated and we're connected in a way that a put off phone call, belated birthday cards or mass emails just can't even contend with.
Jason laughs at those of us who spend so much time on the site - he thinks it's just another way for people to not communicate. I can agree on some levels - that's another reason why I don't like the applications, people invite you to join their zombie game or send you plants for your garden but there is no real interaction. It tells me nothing of how much you miss me or what's on your mind. So yes, it can be another way of not communicating but as with any form of communication, there has to be some kind of initiation. The simple act of giving a thumbs up or commenting on a picture opens the door a crack and that's all it takes sometimes. And in this way, Facebook makes it easier to stay connected to the lives that would otherwise be a complete mystery. And for this, I'm thankful.
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