A few weeks ago I was in Johannesburg with Charity, one of the women I work with in Limpopo. She is one of the candidates we are considering for the manager position so this was her time to see what happens in the main office and meet with some people on this side. The week was amazing, filled with orchestra and choir concerts, a talent show and a random trip to the airport. The mansion/city experience was completely new to her so it was fun to spend the week as roommates and observe how she took it all in. When asked what she wanted to see while she was in Joburg, she thought about it for a moment and then said the airport. A few strange looks were exchanged but eventually a plan was made and off we went. We walked all around, took some pictures and randomly ran into Tanya and her mother as she was catching her flight back to the states. I’m not sure she realized how much work is done when I go to Joburg but she got a taste of it. She worked hard, gave a speech to the Roedean girls, and by the end of the week, I could see that she understood a lot more about Phedišang and the operations at the main office. She definitely came out of her shell by the end of her stay and I felt a special bond with her. One of my favorite moments with her was jumping with her on the trampoline – it was her first time and she loved it. To hear her laugh so freely and uninhibited was great.
Then my friend Kristen came up for the weekend. Friday night, after Kristen finally made it to the house and we had a nice dinner, Leigh (aka Dad) dropped us off in Melville at the bars at 11 pm and we proceeded to stay out dancing till 5 am. Yes ladies and gentlemen, after the first bar and getting a few drinks in our system to loosen us up, we danced for almost 4 hours straight. I was in absolute heaven – I just don’t get to dance enough these days! And our goal of paying for as few drinks as possible was achieved – the men just couldn’t get enough of these two blondes. Little did they know that they weren’t going to get much out of the exchange but some quality bar conversation but we just didn’t bother ourselves worrying about their problems. We danced and drank and had ourselves a good time. The rest of the weekend was filled with shopping, movies, good eats, pool time and just catching up on everything. We hadn’t seen each other since October so we were overdue for some good quality time!
After the week/end filled with lots of people and activities, I was sort of sad about going back to the village. I was happy to go back and see my friends and do work but I wasn’t looking forward to going back to the lonely nights. As fortune would have it, I met a couple of Americans on the bus ride back to Tzaneen. Mina and Brenden were doing some work in the Tzaneen area and needed some help navigating through the city. They were going to couch surf and after I showed them the internet café, we parted ways with plans to see each other the next day. After I went and did a little grocery shopping, I arrived at the taxi rank just as the taxi filled up and was completely disappointed that I had to wait for the next taxi to fill. Then the rank guy comes up to me and says a black woman and white man were looking for me – I was completely confused when Mina and Brenden walked up. They decided to go out on a limb and see if they could come and get the village experience for the night – I was so excited because I had thought about inviting them to stay but felt a bit shy since I had just met them. They waited it out with me while the taxi too forever to fill. We ended up getting back to Turkey after it was completely dark so it was good we were all together. Even though my room is small, 3 people can actually fit quite comfortably and so it worked out well.
They were open to whatever I had to do so they came with me to Turkey centre and then walked all over the place to visit people and go to the post office. They only stayed the night because they had a meeting in Tzaneen and then Mina had to get back to Johannesburg to fly back to the states. Brenden was actually staying a bit longer so he came back and spent a few more days in the village. We ended up having some really great discussions and it became evident that there were reasons why I met these two very special people. Both of them are fascinating and I am really glad that Brenden leaned over and started talking to me in the bus and they were bold enough to come and ask to stay with me.
This is what life is about – appreciating the people that come into my life and being thankful for the small gifts they give me: laughter, conversation, friendship, and ultimately making the loneliness go away.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
scenarios celebration and just a bit more hope
We held our Scenarios from Africa Celebration at the beginning o f this month and it was both a success and something we learned a lot for the next contest! We called it a celebration because we weren’t going to have a competition or a contest and ‘gathering’ didn’t quite fit it. It’s basically a discussion about HIV/AIDS through drama and so the word celebration doesn’t quite fit either but we didn’t know what else to call it. We had about 75 kids participate – not has many as I hoped but still a good turnout, all things considered. We figured out that we didn’t actually give the kids enough time to prepare, they wanted to approach family and friends for help with certain things but the month time frame didn’t allow for enough preparation. Lesson #1 – next time introduce the contest at least 3 months ahead of the deadline.
When we bring the kids from all the centres together, a lot of logistics are required but somehow the staff falls short of the adequate planning. We learned the hard way the last time around so we made sure to create the agenda the day before. It helped a lot but there were still missing aspects – like what to occupy the kids with while we are still waiting for the others to show up. Silly me forgot the educational DVD’s but luckily I live close to the centre and was able to retrieve them quickly. Lesson #2 – you can never be over prepared so planning even a few days a head of time is ideal if not essential.
The kids performed dramas, poems and songs, all written by themselves. I think my favorite were the songs, one in particular that stressed the importance of using condoms. The kids were very encouraging of each other and after each performance they had a cute chant thanking the performer and they each got a rating – 3 claps was good and 6 was great. Susan and Charity and the other staff said the stories weren’t good – partly because we didn’t give them enough time and partly because we didn’t get to the centres to help guide them. Although I take the blame for not being able to get to all the centres during the previous month to show them the DVD’s, help go over their rough drafts and facilitate the discussions like I hoped, I realized that I can rely on staff in those situations. Lesson number #3 – delegate and have the staff help out even more!
Previously I said a lot about what I hoped this project would achieve – peer education, change in their understanding of the disease and a crumpling of the stigma attached – so many idealistic things. I’m not sure these were achieved but it’s a step in the right direction. The kids really enjoyed it and I know that they could do even better with a little more guidance. So I haven’t lost hope – especially because some of the kids even said they want to continue working on their stories during the next year. Lesson #4 – the outcome may not be what I expected but it doesn’t mean the kids didn’t learn a lot throughout the process.
And as a side note - I invited my girls from the village to participate. I didn’t give them much time either but they were very excited and up for the challenge. I was able to give them a little feedback and their stories turned out great. Although they didn’t get to perform anything – they were just as excited and can’t wait to hear if their stories are chosen. While I love all of the kids at the different Phedišang centres, it is sometimes hard to tackle projects with them because I want them all to benefit equally and therefore need to spend enough time at each centre. It’s easier with my girls because there are only a handful of them – Natacia, Noami, Refiloe, Polosho, Komotso and Desire. We have formed a special bond that all started when I finally got off my butt and ran through the village. They are all smart and bright girls but I’m not sure they get enough positive attention when it comes to who they are and what they are capable of being. I like to believe that the little projects I do with them, like the art projects, making valentine’s day cards and this Scenarios thing, opens the doors of their creative minds and gets them to think abstractly about their world and the way they view it. More idealistic and hopefulness...
Overall the Scenarios project went well. There is still some feedback I need to get but that will happen soon. We learned a lot about the process and we understand how to facilitate for the larger group next time around. I received confirmation that the stories made it to their destination and so now we keep our fingers crossed and hope that one of our kids is a special winner!
When we bring the kids from all the centres together, a lot of logistics are required but somehow the staff falls short of the adequate planning. We learned the hard way the last time around so we made sure to create the agenda the day before. It helped a lot but there were still missing aspects – like what to occupy the kids with while we are still waiting for the others to show up. Silly me forgot the educational DVD’s but luckily I live close to the centre and was able to retrieve them quickly. Lesson #2 – you can never be over prepared so planning even a few days a head of time is ideal if not essential.
The kids performed dramas, poems and songs, all written by themselves. I think my favorite were the songs, one in particular that stressed the importance of using condoms. The kids were very encouraging of each other and after each performance they had a cute chant thanking the performer and they each got a rating – 3 claps was good and 6 was great. Susan and Charity and the other staff said the stories weren’t good – partly because we didn’t give them enough time and partly because we didn’t get to the centres to help guide them. Although I take the blame for not being able to get to all the centres during the previous month to show them the DVD’s, help go over their rough drafts and facilitate the discussions like I hoped, I realized that I can rely on staff in those situations. Lesson number #3 – delegate and have the staff help out even more!
Previously I said a lot about what I hoped this project would achieve – peer education, change in their understanding of the disease and a crumpling of the stigma attached – so many idealistic things. I’m not sure these were achieved but it’s a step in the right direction. The kids really enjoyed it and I know that they could do even better with a little more guidance. So I haven’t lost hope – especially because some of the kids even said they want to continue working on their stories during the next year. Lesson #4 – the outcome may not be what I expected but it doesn’t mean the kids didn’t learn a lot throughout the process.
And as a side note - I invited my girls from the village to participate. I didn’t give them much time either but they were very excited and up for the challenge. I was able to give them a little feedback and their stories turned out great. Although they didn’t get to perform anything – they were just as excited and can’t wait to hear if their stories are chosen. While I love all of the kids at the different Phedišang centres, it is sometimes hard to tackle projects with them because I want them all to benefit equally and therefore need to spend enough time at each centre. It’s easier with my girls because there are only a handful of them – Natacia, Noami, Refiloe, Polosho, Komotso and Desire. We have formed a special bond that all started when I finally got off my butt and ran through the village. They are all smart and bright girls but I’m not sure they get enough positive attention when it comes to who they are and what they are capable of being. I like to believe that the little projects I do with them, like the art projects, making valentine’s day cards and this Scenarios thing, opens the doors of their creative minds and gets them to think abstractly about their world and the way they view it. More idealistic and hopefulness...
Overall the Scenarios project went well. There is still some feedback I need to get but that will happen soon. We learned a lot about the process and we understand how to facilitate for the larger group next time around. I received confirmation that the stories made it to their destination and so now we keep our fingers crossed and hope that one of our kids is a special winner!
Saturday, March 15, 2008
loneliness
The novelty of this experience is starting to wear off – I’ve thoroughly enjoyed bucket baths and pit toilets and feeling like a celebrity walking down the street but I will appreciate when I can go back to living in my comfort zone of running water, separate bathroom/kitchen/living/bed rooms and having a touch more anonymity.
The most glaring thing about living the rural life that I’m completely over is coming home to an empty room almost every day. Not just the emptiness but knowing that most of my nights are spent completely alone. I took refuge in it at first – after the constant attention from people all day long, I relished being able to come home and get lost in a book or a movie. I still enjoy this immensely but a few weeks ago I had a moment of utter loneliness. I stood in the centre of my little room on a Thursday night and none of the typical evening options for entertainment were even slightly enticing. Even though I hang out with other volunteers a fair amount, talk to Jason regularly now, and I saw Leigh and others earlier that week (and got a nice night out at a lodge), I was alone at that moment and the months leading up to my COS (close of service) in September just seemed like it would take another lifetime to live through.
That feeling carried over into the next day, which was leap day. The whole day just had this weird haze to it, like it’s not actually supposed to exist so things just seemed off since the moment I woke up. By far the strangest thing was after running around doing work, I went to pick up some mending I had hired a woman to help me with. She is very sweet and has 4 beautiful kids, all who speak English very well, which is not something you find often in the village. I had a lot of bags but was going to walk home anyway when one of the kids said she would help me. Her name turned out to be Lebo, just like me, so we immediately bonded.
During our adventurous walk home, she proceeded to ask tons of questions like what is my favorite sport (mine: ultimate Frisbee but she didn’t exactly know what that was so I settled on rugby – hers: netball), favorite color (mine: purple – hers: yellow, it used to be purple but yellow was a much happier color), favorite pet (mine: dogs – hers: parrots), and why do white people have long hair and black people short hair (I told her black people must be smarter because it’s pretty silly to have such long hair when it’s so freakin’ hot). She also asked me who I stay with and if I stayed in a room by myself. I told her I stay with a family but have my own little house where I actually sleep, cook and do most things. Then out of the blue she asked if I was lonely. I didn’t see it coming and it surprised me that a little 10 year old girl from the village would hone in on that. I told her the truth that it was lonely but that I have friends in the village and my family was really great.
After we got to my house, she parked herself in my room and continued to talk my ear off while I busied myself putting things away. She played some games on my computer, Matome and Masilu came in and we watched CARS and she drew some pictures. After awhile she came with me to visit my other friends in the village. Finally, just before dark it was time to send my new little friend on her way home.
When I got home, I found that she had left drawings for me – a picture of each Lebo under a tree wearing her favorite color. Even though it was another evening by myself, I didn’t feel so sad. Maybe it was the constant chatter of English, maybe it was the friendship this little girl offered to me; either way, I didn’t feel so lonely that night.
The most glaring thing about living the rural life that I’m completely over is coming home to an empty room almost every day. Not just the emptiness but knowing that most of my nights are spent completely alone. I took refuge in it at first – after the constant attention from people all day long, I relished being able to come home and get lost in a book or a movie. I still enjoy this immensely but a few weeks ago I had a moment of utter loneliness. I stood in the centre of my little room on a Thursday night and none of the typical evening options for entertainment were even slightly enticing. Even though I hang out with other volunteers a fair amount, talk to Jason regularly now, and I saw Leigh and others earlier that week (and got a nice night out at a lodge), I was alone at that moment and the months leading up to my COS (close of service) in September just seemed like it would take another lifetime to live through.
That feeling carried over into the next day, which was leap day. The whole day just had this weird haze to it, like it’s not actually supposed to exist so things just seemed off since the moment I woke up. By far the strangest thing was after running around doing work, I went to pick up some mending I had hired a woman to help me with. She is very sweet and has 4 beautiful kids, all who speak English very well, which is not something you find often in the village. I had a lot of bags but was going to walk home anyway when one of the kids said she would help me. Her name turned out to be Lebo, just like me, so we immediately bonded.
During our adventurous walk home, she proceeded to ask tons of questions like what is my favorite sport (mine: ultimate Frisbee but she didn’t exactly know what that was so I settled on rugby – hers: netball), favorite color (mine: purple – hers: yellow, it used to be purple but yellow was a much happier color), favorite pet (mine: dogs – hers: parrots), and why do white people have long hair and black people short hair (I told her black people must be smarter because it’s pretty silly to have such long hair when it’s so freakin’ hot). She also asked me who I stay with and if I stayed in a room by myself. I told her I stay with a family but have my own little house where I actually sleep, cook and do most things. Then out of the blue she asked if I was lonely. I didn’t see it coming and it surprised me that a little 10 year old girl from the village would hone in on that. I told her the truth that it was lonely but that I have friends in the village and my family was really great.
After we got to my house, she parked herself in my room and continued to talk my ear off while I busied myself putting things away. She played some games on my computer, Matome and Masilu came in and we watched CARS and she drew some pictures. After awhile she came with me to visit my other friends in the village. Finally, just before dark it was time to send my new little friend on her way home.
When I got home, I found that she had left drawings for me – a picture of each Lebo under a tree wearing her favorite color. Even though it was another evening by myself, I didn’t feel so sad. Maybe it was the constant chatter of English, maybe it was the friendship this little girl offered to me; either way, I didn’t feel so lonely that night.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
pbs announcement
I want to share my excitement about the elections. This is completely uncharacteristic of me but I don’t see how anyone can ignore the energy this election year is generating. I’m not ready to ’talk politics’ or debate just yet, but I just wanted to give you a little “the more you know” ad type encouragement – this is your country people, read up on the issues and make sure you vote. I did and I live half way around the world! You have no excuse.
End segment with me staring into the camera with my arms closed and a serious but encouraging smile on my face. Now the question: is anyone actually reading my blog?
End segment with me staring into the camera with my arms closed and a serious but encouraging smile on my face. Now the question: is anyone actually reading my blog?
admitting defeat
I learned an important lesson today. I admitted defeat and the moment I did, I felt the stress lift from my shoulders. It was nothing major, I had signed on to create an Access database so I could learn more about the program. This was back in December and it’s now March and I still haven’t finished it. It has been nagging at me in the back of my mind and I’ve been able to put it off for a bit because it’s not something I generally work on while I’m in the village. But this week I’m working in Johannesburg and was feeling the pressure of needing to get a lot of work done and not sure how I was going to do it with this monster database looming over my head. This morning Leigh came and sat down to discuss some other things and he saw the frustration on my face. That was when I realized I just had to let it go and told him that I needed to give up the mini-project. So this is my lesson, there is no shame in admitting defeat. I think it’s better than trying to continue on with something that I know would be drawn out just because I want to create it. There is someone else who can do the job faster and probably better than I can, so it’s best to leave it to the expert. And now I feel like I can actually accomplish things this week.
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