What am I doing? That is the main question on my mind right now. Floundering, wasting my days, doing a lot of things that are meaningless and not helping me to change my current situation. It's an injustice to me and the life I'm supposed to be living, the one I am living. This is it! There is no looking forward to what will happen - it's just causing me extra worry lines because it's become evident that the things that I think are set in life, don't stay set - there is no jello mold holding all the little mandarin orange pieces together. And so I'm figuring out a few things: first, 'it' won't happen if I don't act now, today, the moment I'm in right now. That's all I have. Two, I can't worry about things, as long as I'm doing what I can today. Living my life in the moment and not just letting my whole life pass me by.
The other day some one asked me what I believe. I tried to defer to others because it was a political conversation but he was adamant and wanted MY views. It really forced me to think about it - where exactly do I stand on certain issues? I'm quickly approaching the adult years (some may think I'm actually already there) and no, I don't have to lose my youthful spirit, but figuring out my own opinions, maybe that is a little bit overdue. I don’t need to worry about others judging me. I just need to be open to being wrong, finding out the truth and more information, learning. But it's time to stop holding myself back.
So now there are some big question marks looming over my head.
What do I need to be doing every day to be living the life I want?
What do I believe?
That's my current quest. I think I'm on the verge of something big.