birthday bash

This year I got to celebrate my birthday at home in San Antonio with my family. Nothing big was planned but I did have to get my driver's license renewed. So off I went to the DMV - not as early as I hoped, but spending the few hours in the morning with my mom and Anne-Marie was nice. And even though nothing was on the agenda, I still wanted to look pretty, so I got dolled up in my new dress and some of Anne-Marie's Premier Designs jewelry. At the DMV I was told I needed my Social Security card because it had been too long since I had a TX drivers license. Unfortunately I had lost my card a few years ago while living in Colorado (flew out of my wallet going over Monarch pass in an open jeep, oops) so off I went to find the Social Security office.

After getting directions from my mom, then stopping at a gas station to figure out where I went wrong, turning around and at least finding the right street, I still was having some problems locating the building. While driving in a parking lot and craning my neck to try and find the silly office, I ran into another car that was coming up from the perpendicular lane. Ugh. I immediately burst into tears because who wants to get into a car accident on their birthday while in their sister's car! The other people were friendly, probably not sure what to do with this blubbering idiot. We exchanged information and after a million calls between me, my mom, dad and Anne-Marie, I was assured that it wasn't exactly the end of the world.

I circled around the area another couple of times, I finally found the office and had to wait another half an hour to get my number called. Then back to the DMV, where I got to skip the line only to be given another number where I had to wait another hour before getting called.

Despite the horrible car blunder, the rest of the day was actually really nice. Teresa and I made home made wheat pizzas for dinner. We even tossed the dough in the air a few times! They were delicious - spinach & feta, veggie, pepperoni & sausage and cheese.


Cupcakes for dessert, compliments of my dear friend Elysia, and poppy seed bread that my mom got up early to make for me. The Belisle's (minus Janet) came over and joined the chaos - it's always nice to have close family friends join in a celebration. After some presents and merriment, Katie, Paul, Teresa and I went off to the movies to see The Proposal, which had me in hysterics most of the time. I guess since 29 isn't exactly a major celebration year, I needed something to make this birthday a memorable one. The good news is my $5 a year touring policy through USAA is covering the damages to Anne-Marie's car and her insurance is covering the damages to the other car. It all works out in the end.

swirling thoughts

What am I doing? That is the main question on my mind right now. Floundering, wasting my days, doing a lot of things that are meaningless and not helping me to change my current situation. It's an injustice to me and the life I'm supposed to be living, the one I am living. This is it! There is no looking forward to what will happen - it's just causing me extra worry lines because it's become evident that the things that I think are set in life, don't stay set - there is no jello mold holding all the little mandarin orange pieces together. And so I'm figuring out a few things: first, 'it' won't happen if I don't act now, today, the moment I'm in right now. That's all I have. Two, I can't worry about things, as long as I'm doing what I can today. Living my life in the moment and not just letting my whole life pass me by.

The other day some one asked me what I believe. I tried to defer to others because it was a political conversation but he was adamant and wanted MY views. It really forced me to think about it - where exactly do I stand on certain issues? I'm quickly approaching the adult years (some may think I'm actually already there) and no, I don't have to lose my youthful spirit, but figuring out my own opinions, maybe that is a little bit overdue. I don’t need to worry about others judging me. I just need to be open to being wrong, finding out the truth and more information, learning. But it's time to stop holding myself back.

So now there are some big question marks looming over my head.

What do I need to be doing every day to be living the life I want?
What do I believe?

That's my current quest. I think I'm on the verge of something big.