I have no idea what I believe in...

I want to write an essay about what I believe in and state my conviction for life in 500 words or less. My Peace Corps group is doing this as our own version of the 1950’s radio series started by Edward R. Murrow. One of my PCV colleagues came up with the idea to adapt the concept and create our own essay collection. We are all invited to write an essay and in the process go through the self examination it requires to actually figure out the core belief that has guided us through life up until now. That is a LOADED sentence right there – I am finding it difficult to put my finger on something solid, concrete enough to write a meaningful essay. Sure I could ramble on with the best of them but what do I actually believe? What drives me to be who I am or strive to be who I want to be? My parent’s unconditional love? My desire to give back to the world some how? I’m not sure that’s what I want to write about, it’s bigger than that yet not and certainly not religious or spiritual.

The essay is due June 15. Maybe I believe in procrastinating. I always save things for the last minute and end up with something resembling orderliness and cohesion.

I believe in love…too generic

I believe in puzzles.

I believe in creative outlets.

I believe that life as a gigantic puzzle and the only way to solve it is through creative outlets.

I believe that I am not always a good communicator but that I am trying every day to be better at it.

I believe crossword puzzles and sudoku will help my brain stay in shape for longer.

I believe that these ideas are not coming anywhere close to hitting the mark.

core belief…something that has guided me through life this far…maybe that’s my problem – I have no idea what has guided me, it’s been more like I’ve stumbled and tripped to end up where I am. Opportunities have snuck around corners and stuck out their foot or knocked me upside the head until I had that “aha” moment and decided that pursuing it was a great idea. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up or if I really even want to grow up. There was no guiding light like I always wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer, which then led me to pursue certain academic paths molding me into the traditional American dream. I only recently realized how much I actually love learning and wish I had paid more attention in my history and science classes and actually read the books on the summer reading lists.

Wait a minute, there is something forming in my head…