Friday, August 31, 2007

feeling just a little bit lighter

As you may have noticed, not a lot of exciting things have happened in the last few weeks. I finished a book and it was so good that I have a hard time getting into any others. If anyone is interested in reading a novel set in high school about a girl falling in love with a vampire, please pick up Twilight and the sequel New Moon. I mean it, the author, Stephanie Meyer, can portray the agony of being a teenager and unrequited love so well.

So to fill the empty hours I have done a TON of crossword puzzles and sudoku. That and I’ve watched a few movies, some repeats, some bad and some amazing. And I confess that I watched Grey’s Anatomy through for the second time. I REALLY like that show.

Work has been filled with Germans. We have 3 volunteers from Germany right now and I’ve spent a lot of time working with them and the local staff. One day we were all in the office, it was chaotic and one of the Germans was asking a lot of questions to Motale, one of the local staff people that I have had a hard time working with in the past. She came to me and confided that she was frustrated and I gave her some words of advice. I felt like we had a major breakthrough and she actually trusted me. I could see the frustration of the Germans and realized that I have actually come a long way. I am more patient now, I don’t let all the small things frustrate me anymore, and I can roll with the punches so to speak.

And then the next day I realized that I still have a few things to learn. That day we had scheduled some interviews for potential carers for one of the centres. Mamotupa was late, when we called Motale to find out where she was, she hung up on me and then just didn’t show up until after the interviews. I was so upset but I decided to put aside my feelings because we had something more important to do and the women were waiting for us. We ended up having a good afternoon and played some fun games with the kids. After the candidates left I went inside to clean up and ended up getting into an argument with Motale. We both raised our voices and I knew that this wasn’t how I wanted to handle things so I tried to leave. She moved and blocked the door so I couldn’t walk out. I turned around to get my things and when I went back to the door she was still there. I couldn’t be in the room a minute longer so I used my arm and just moved her out of my way.

All I could think about the moment I stepped out of the room was that if I were at home, I would have a lawsuit on my hands. I didn’t push her but I physically touched her and I knew that it could be misconstrued. And it was. The next day when asked why we weren’t talking to each other, she just said that I pushed her. When I found that out I was irate. There are two sides to every story and no, I may not have done the right thing but I was not the only person at fault.

After a year here, I am still learning about how to interact with the people around me but honestly, I am tired of always being the one to apologize. I always feel like I’m stepping on toes and doing something wrong. But in this instance, I know that it wasn’t just me. So I decided that I wasn’t going to apologize until she came to me.

Guess what, it’s been a week and I’m still waiting.

I may never get an apology from her and I’m ok with that. She may not even think she needs to and I accept that. I am just happy that I realized that I don’t have to bear all the burden of the bad days.

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