back to reality

This whole job search is taking longer than I ever anticipated. It's been almost a year and a half since I've had full time work (yes, I consider my 2 years in PC as full time even if I wasn't in an office every day). I did do some consulting while we were living in Ixopo but it did not keep me occupied 40 hours a week. And last year I did have a wedding to plan to help occupy my time. This time around it's different since there are no consulting jobs (yet) and no more wedding to plan. I read. A LOT. I've read 6 books in the month that we've been back. I had a friend remind me this weekend that I should enjoy it while I can. It's good advice and I love that I get to read so much but I've been programmed since I first stepped foot inside the door of my pre school that I should be working. And I'm an ambitious person, usually, so there will always be a part of me that feels just slightly guilty for not working or at least making more of an effort to find work.

I'm still holding out for the French NGO job (there has been good noise about it but it's taking longer than they anticipated to get the project up and running - no time frame has been given to me) but I can't just sit around waiting for it, so it's become apparent that I have to take the initiative and get my name out there. This is the challenging part, it is not easy to walk into an office, stick out my hand and proceed to sell myself as a the best employee they didn't even know they needed. It's scary and I'm digging my heels in because it's just not on the top of my list of things that I want to spend my day doing. Rickey, my brother was encouraging and said it's a character builder. True but I can't imagine that anyone loves to continuously put themselves in such awkward situations.

I had a meeting last week to discuss some consulting opportunities but that won't happen until April at the earliest. However, that meeting made me feel productive like I wasn't just a bum sitting on my tush all week. Friday I had an interview for a receptionist position and that was encouraging but I do not actually want to be a receptionist. It would be a job to fill my days and have another income so I can buy things like the pretty pinafore that I saw last week but couldn't buy without asking for permission. No woman wants to ask for permission to buy clothes! This is not a reflection on Jason, rather on me and my own guilt complex. I can't go out and spend money on things like this when I know that I'm not contributing financially. So this should be a motivator because it was purple and pretty and I really want it and I want the freedom to know that I can buy little treats here and there, not just for me but for Jason too. And to some extent it is a motivator but the next step requires me to take the initiative, cold call people, ask for help and stick my neck out on the line a little bit. Yikes.

The Best Day Ever.

New Year's Eve

The build up.

The only thing I hadn't finished was my vows and it was the day before the wedding! Yes, I am a procrastinator, always have been but much improved these days. All my cousins and siblings went to the Bacardi Factory in the morning but I stayed back, needing a few hours to myself to stay calm and crank out the words to confess my everlasting love for Jason. Success and just in time to shower and help prepare for the Welcome Party at the apartment at 1pm. Hotard guests mingled and got to know each other a bit before the wedding. At one point, Mom made us all gather in a circle and everyone had to introduce themselves and say how they knew the bride/groom. It was actually really nice to hear from everyone and it turned out we know a lot of lawyers!

Jason, Rickey and Paul

My beautiful niece Ana

Mary Alice and others at the party - thanks Mom and Dad!

Off to the hotel to change and get ready for the Rosenfeld Welcome Dinner - a chance for the Rosenfeld guests to meet and mingle. Dinner was at Pamela's, in my opinion, one of the BEST places to eat in the San Juan area. Right on the water between Isla Verde and Viejo San Juan in an area called the Ocean Park. Delicious food, good wine and great conversations. Jason's dad made him get up and give an impromptu speech and introduce everyone around the tables - thankfully he remembered everyone's name. It was a really nice evening.

Adam and Jason sitting down waiting for dinner

Fish and yumminess!

What everyone wished they ordered - this steak was amazing!

Divine dessert - thanks Jason's parents for having this dinner!

Back to the hotel to meet all the guests for the New Year's celebration. We took over the downstairs hotel bar and lounge of Alfredo's Restaurant - no cover so we could drink together and be merry. It turned out to be the perfect setting and then right before midnight we all walked out to the boardwalk (site of the ceremony the next day) and counted down to the stroke of midnight. Sparklers, noise makers fun hats and dirty martinis - it was perfect. A kiss from my husband to be and after saying goodnight to everyone I was whisked up to Elysia's room with most of the bridesmaids to continue the celebration with the ladies. The party still went on and from our 12th floor balcony I wished everyone below a very happy new year. The 3 dirty martinis were wonderfully tasty but the next morning I realized that maybe 2 should have been my limit. I'm sure the numerous shots and champagne at 3am didn't help much either.

My mom Nita, Jason's mom Ann Marie (yes, another one in the family), Jennifer, and Jason's dad Charles

Scott, Jason's brother and Jason

Jason, Katie's husband Paul, Jamie my cousin and Rickey

if you see all the pics from the evening you'll notice that I have a dirty martini in every one of them!

Jason and his good friends Chris Burns and Dee Clark (most of these pics are his, great eye!)

The Hotard's!

My best girl friends (most of them): Aasta, Elysia, Kristen, Tait & Kristina

Midnight Kiss!

Elysia and I woke up to find a beautiful day reaching into grab us. The skies had cleared and there was no more rain to be seen - just a few clouds and the beautiful blue sky. It was destined to be a good day.

Puerto Rico & Rehearsal

I can't go any longer without describing our week in Puerto Rico - for me it was 10 days of perfection. There were parties and drinking and revelry that so far in my life is completely unmatched. We even had a mani/pedi party at 9pm at a spa/cocktail lounge - drinking while we got our feet massaged and toes painted - life seriously doesn't get much better than that.

My parents rented an apartment in Viejo San Juan, right next to where the cruise ships dock - a perfect location that allowed for short walks into the heart of the city to enjoy the beautiful buildings, stone forts, blue cobble stone streets and yummy fried foods.

(This is actually the church where my grandparents were married - it's been under renovations for years but it's still a beautiful landmark in Viejo San Juan)

The wedding itself was held at the InterContinental San Juan Resort and Casino, located about 10 minutes away from Viejo San Juan in an area called Isla Verde. And it was perfect in every way - the staff was more than helpful and friendly and when they found out I was the bride - congratulations and more smiles and friendliness that made me feel like a star. We were actually fortunate that The Normandie decided to close for renovations back in June 2009 - this hotel was far superior and we were able to have both the ceremony and reception in one place, which helped bring the logistical stress down a few notches.


The rehearsal was the first moment I felt really overwhelmed and nervous - true butterflies in my tummy. There were tons of people milling around the lobby, asking questions, wanting to chat, while we waited for Maria, our wonderful coordinator. I grabbed Ana, my beautiful chubby little 6 month old niece to calm my nerves amidst the commotion. She was the perfect antidote with her big beautiful brown eyes with doll like eye lashes and her constant happy grin. She was just what I needed and then we got down to business. Because the wedding was New Year's Day, we had the rehearsal and dinner on the 30th so it wouldn't conflict with New Year's Eve celebrations. The weather that day was horrible: windy, overcast and rainy but Maria said she'd never had it rain for any of her brides so I hoped I wouldn't be the first to break her trend. Just in case I knocked on wood and said a few extra prayers. Once we were out on the boardwalk, running through the technicalities, the whole thing started to take shape and my giddiness skyrocketed.

The rehearsal dinner was amazing. We got dressed up and went into Old San Juan to a tapas bar called Rosa de Triana. Sangria was handed to us as we walked in the door and flowed all night long. Delicious appetizers to begin with followed by the best paella I've even had - filled with all kinds of seafood and meat. As we finished our dinner we had a private Flamenco Dancing show and Jason and I were brought up onstage to learn one of the dances. The night finished with rich flan and a few drinks out on the town. It was great to finally see some of our friends that we literally hadn't seen in over 3 years!

*The pictures I'm using are a mixture of my own and family and friends...I'm happy so many people have shared their pictures from the week as well!

Back to Africa

It's hard to believe the festivities have come and gone already. It's a feeling similar to Feb. 2, 2009. I had spent almost 4 months at home after Peace Corps, doing absolutely nothing - catching up on a lot of Law & Order and CSI, hanging out with sisters and just vegging. But before I realized it, I was already back in Leigh's car riding away form the Johannesburg airport as if only a couple of weeks had passed. That was a surreal moment.

Oxford English Dictionary entry for 'surreal': adjective, strange and having the qualities of a dream.

Hmmm…it was strange to be back, like the 4 months in the states were just a dream. And looming ahead of me was a scary time - not scary I fear for my life, but scary I have no idea what the next step looks like. Lucky for me, Jason was there to take my hand and we started to carve out the future together.

A year later, it's almost the same story, only instead of 4 months at home, it was 5 weeks. And instead of recovering from PC by myself, Jason and I were together preparing for the big wedding and visiting family. We had an enchanting week in Puerto Rico where we got married surrounded by our close family and friends. And it whooshed by and suddenly we're back here in Africa. Back in Zimbabwe - at a nicer place to stay but still playing the waiting game. Hoping I get a call from the NGO I interviewed with back in December, hoping that more jobs are posted so I can at least feel as though I'm making an effort and not sitting all day.

It's that surreal feeling again. Being home and pampered, feeling like a princess and then aback here to a country that doesn't have enough resources to keep the electricity on all day or provide clean water for it's people. Yet it's where we want to be because of the work we do. Some must think we're crazy, both back home and here - why would we choose the harder life? I guess in my mid it's not harder, just different than the challenges we would face if we were living in the states. And even though we are eager to get settled, have all our belongings under one roof - our roof - we're not trying to rush things or get stressed that the jobs for me aren't just dropping into my lap. And maybe starting off married life with so many uncertainties isn't the ideal way to do it but it suites us just fine and we're doing it together. And when we finally get that house and get settled, we'll be more inclined to really appreciate it because we know how frustrating and challenging life is without it, always relying on others to support you.

Bottom line is, we're happy and we're together and that's what matters, right?

As I keep saying to myself, the job will come, something will present itself soon enough. One day at a time.